Naughty joke: A man is lying on the beach

The first things that spring to mind when considering ways to extend one’s life are physical activity and a nutritious diet. But laughter is another essential component of a long and contented life.

I make an effort to laugh as much as I can. Laughing with your loved ones makes even the worst days seem a little better.

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I couldn’t help but smile when I read this funny tale. Although it is brief, it accomplishes its goal!

(And remember to scroll down a little for an equally hilarious bonus story!)

On the beach, a man is lying down.
On the beach, a man is lying with only a cap over his crotch.

“If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady …” a woman says as she walks by.

“The hat would lift itself if you were a sexy lady,” he responds.

 

Second dirty joke: A police officer stops a handsome 19-year-old for speeding.
A police officer stopped a car for speeding one day while they were on patrol. He approached the vehicle and requested that the driver down the window.

What does a license mean?
Aside from the attractive red sports car, the driver’s attractiveness was the first thing he noticed! No more than 19 years old, blonde, with large breasts, long legs, and blue eyes.

“Ma’am, you were pulled over for speeding. Would you mind showing me your driver’s license?

The blonde immediately revealed that she was as stupid as a stump when she asked, “What’s a license?”

The officer answered, “It’s usually in your wallet or purse.” The blonde searched for some minutes before finding it.

The officer said, “May I now see your registration?”

“Registration—what is it?” The blonde asked.

The officer responded impatiently, “It’s usually in your glove compartment.” She fumbled around some more before finding the registration.

The officer said, “I’ll be back in a minute,” and made his way back to his vehicle.

“Take off your trousers.”
To verify the woman’s license and registration, the officer dialed dispatch.

The dispatcher asked after a little while, “Ummm… is this woman driving a red sports car?”

“Yes,” the officer said.

“Is she a stunningly beautiful blonde?” the dispatcher inquired.

The officer said, “Yeah.”

The dispatcher said, “Here’s what you do.” “Return the items to her and take off your pants.”

“Oh no.”
“What? I am unable to accomplish it. “It’s… inappropriate,” the officer yelled.

“Believe me. The dispatcher encouraged, “Just do it.”

As instructed by the dispatcher, the officer goes back to the vehicle, hands over the license and registration, and then drops his pants.

The blonde sighs as she glances down, “Oh no. Another breathalyzer, please.

Press the “share” button now to let your friends read this amusing tale as well!

Bonus amusing story 73: a man of 73 believes that God illuminates the restroom at night.
Everybody has a unique perspective on the world. Furthermore, those with strong religious beliefs are inevitably going to see things differently than others.

However, when a little drowsiness is added, some really odd—and hilarious—results begin to appear. In this story, that’s exactly what happened to the old reverend, and I laughed out loud at the last paragraph!

The 73-year-old retired pastor Eric is there for his annual physical. After every test came back positive, the doctor meets with him to go over the findings.

“Well, Eric, everything appears to be in good physiological condition. How are your mental and emotional health? How is your faith these days, and are you feeling content?

“I have a wonderful relationship with God. Since he is aware of how bad my vision has gotten, he has turned on the light everytime I use the restroom at night. And after I’ve finished urinating, the light goes off once more.

“Outstanding! “That sounds fantastic,” the doctor says.

The doctor phones Eric’s wife a few days later and says, “Hello, Anna. Eric appears to be doing well, and his vital signs are good. His relationship with God is the reason I’m calling. Is it accurate to say that the bathroom light turns on every time he goes to urinate at night and then “poof”? And after he’s finished, the light goes out once more, “poof.”

“That old fool,” Anna responds with a sigh. He has resumed urinating in the refrigerator.

I’m sure a friend could use a smile right now, so please share if you laughed!